For better or worse, till death do us part. Marriage is not for the faint of heart LOL! With divorce rates creeping up yearly, marriages that can stand the test of time are getting harder to come by. Even finding the perfect mate, doesn’t guarantee you’ll make it. If you are not willing to put in the work, your union is bound to fail. Keeping the magic alive doesn’t just, well magically happen.
I had the intention of writing this article with only sunshine and rainbows, but then my husband and I got into an argument LOL! The universe putting me in check and forcing me to be real. Marriage can be hard! I’m not gonna lie, all the work I’ve had to put into this blog has taken a toll on our relationship. It’s shaken and shifted a balance we’ve had for a very long time. It’s a time for us to grow and readjust.
Our Love Story.
In this day and age, we are a rarity…high school sweethearts! We met when we were 15 at a mutual friend’s birthday. I remember seeing him and being so smitten. After a summer of friendship, I finally told him how I felt, and when the feelings were reciprocated, I was on cloud nine! That was the beginning of our love story.
Over the years, we’ve collected beautiful moments on a roller coaster of love. There have been lots of ups and downs, but without them, we wouldn’t be where we are now. Being together from such a young age has had its advantages and disadvantages. We’ve both grown, sometimes not hand in hand, one trailing behind the other, making those times difficult to navigate. But at the same time, growing to fit each other completely. The saying “you complete me” holds very true for us.
Becoming parents solidified us like I never could have imagined. We’d already been together 11 years and were in a good place. But we’d never had to work together or be in sync like that before. The moment I gave birth, I knew no matter what life threw at us, we’d be ok. So here we are going on year 22! Wow, I feel old saying that LOL! What are our secrets for keeping the magic alive? Here are a few of the things that have kept our relationship going so long.
Marry your Best Friend.
At the end of a hard day, who do you want to vent to? When you’re feeling sad, who’s shoulder do you want to lean on? When you have amazing news, who do you want to share it with?… YOUR BEST FRIEND!
Not only do I love this man beyond measure, but he really is my best friend. Out of the millions of people in the world, he is the one human I can stand to be around 24/7. Even if he’s annoying me, I still want him around LOL! No matter how much time we spend together ( all our time ) we always find things to talk about.
I know when we are old, and maybe aren’t as frisky anymore, we’ll still have that friendship. The different layers of our relationship are what make us strong. Even when we’re mad, or argue, it doesn’t last long, because we want to keep talking and sharing things with each other.
Talk About the Future
I am no expert, but I feel like a lot of relationships don’t work out because people aren’t upfront about their expectations. If you’re set on 6 kids, your spouse 1, and you’d never talked about it before getting married, you’re in trouble. The same goes with financials, roles in the marriage and household, how you will raise your children, your parent’s roles in your lives…the list goes on.
These are all things that can snowball into resentment and break a marriage apart. Knowing exactly where the other stands and finding a common ground is always best practice. Share your hopes and dreams. Where you see your future together. I’ve been so grateful that all the years we’d spent together before having kids put us on the same page.
Flirt All Day!
If you don’t keep feeding the fire, the flame will burn out. No matter how strong the blaze may be at first, it dwindles if you don’t keep adding wood to it. The same goes for a relationship, you have to keep it alive. We flirt alll dayyy long! After all these years, it’s still like we’re teenagers LOL! From those sweet nibbles in the morning to caresses throughout the day. Are little nicknames and code words the kids don’t know. We keep fueling the fire all day long! When we’re not together, we’ll text flirt. By the end of the day…we can’t wait for the kids to go to bed….but wait… there are 4 of them now!!!!
Make Time for Intimacy.
I always assumed that the older the kids got, the easier it would be to find time for intimacy. That they would stop waking every half hour to drink milk and we wouldn’t have to rush. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! It never crossed my mind, that not only did I have to put 2 babies to sleep, but now we had to wait for 2 older ones to fall asleep as well! Which would leave the window until a baby would wake again minuscule.
It could be so easy for us to just say “oh there’s no time”. But for us, it’s a necessity to have that time to connect. For us to work well as a team, it needs to be daily. Whether it’s just snuggling on the couch or getting down, we MAKE the time every day. It could be in the morning before the kids wake up, 5 min while the kids are watching a movie in the afternoon, or whenever we can squeeze in mommy and daddy time. It’s our #1 priority to keeping the magic alive.
Don’t Ever Stop Dating.
When you’re in a new relationship, it’s all about the dates. Getting all dressed up, going for dinner or drinks. Eventually, you settle in a comfortable place, and just stop! Having kids put the brakes on dating for us. Exclusively breastfeeding, not even offering a bottle in over 10 years, has made it very hard for us to go out. I can say we’ve since only been out a handful of times. And only because my mother and sister-in-law forced us LOL!
And that’s ok because we have date nights at home. We are very content with those. Once the kids go to bed, we’ll get dressed up, make cocktails and get takeout, or pretend we’re going to the movies. We honestly prefer it to going out in a noisy place with lots of people. That helps keeping the magic alive. But whatever it may be, spend that time together and reconnect.
Know When to Bite Your Tongue.
The thing about being with someone for so long, is you know exactly what makes them tick! What pushes their buttons. In lies a choice to make every day…to nitpick at everything that bothers you, or bite your tongue when it comes to the little things. Now, if it’s a big deal to you, and something that will build up and cause an explosion, then point it out. But if not, just keep it to yourself.
Getting into an argument every day for absolutely nothing isn’t’ good for any relationship. Also, when you do argue, fight the urge to push those buttons and escalate the situation. It’s always easier and quicker to get back down from a step stool than a ladder. And nothing kills magic more than animosity. Being happy and content is a choice you can make every day.
So there you have it, there is no true recipe for keeping the magic alive, but this is how we do it! The most important things are to connect, show gratitude to one another, and make each other feel special, loved, and wanted every day. Even in the darker days, to lean on each other and pull through together, knowing there’s a beautiful rainbow on the other side. Grow together and make memories that will last a lifetime! Wishing you all a love like this! xxx
Elisa
